In a modern Malay society, the adult children are encouraged to find their own choice of partners. Although this practice is the norm, there also families who would arrange their adult children's marriage BUT with the consent of these individuals. When these two people agree that they should get married then the boy will send a group of people normally their parents and elderly relatives to `meminang' (asking the permission for the 'hand of the girl' in marriage). They will be greeted by the girl's side also the parents or the elderly relatives.
BUT nowadays this process is cut short when the parents will give their consent without the 'meminang' and go straight to the 'bertunang' (engagement) ceremony. After being engaged for an agreed period of time the couple go through the NIKAH (solemnization) ceremony.
THE NIKAH CEREMONY AT THE BRIDE'S PARENTS HOUSE (JOHOR BAHRU)
The bride is my niece, the second daughter of my older sister. This is the moment when the bride's heart will beat a little quicker (if that's possible). The bride is waiting for the Pak Imam to solemnize the akad nikah whereby the bridegroom will verbally accept to marry the bride. Sometimes the bride's father will carry out this ritual but in this case my brother in-law agree to let the Imam do this job. There are also two official witness whose job are to confirm the that verbal exchanges between the Imam and the bridegroom are clear and confirmed the verbal acceptance of the marriage had taken place. This is serious business because the names of the witnesses will be recorded in the Department of Islamic Affair's registry along with the other important informations.
The bride is my niece, the second daughter of my older sister. This is the moment when the bride's heart will beat a little quicker (if that's possible). The bride is waiting for the Pak Imam to solemnize the akad nikah whereby the bridegroom will verbally accept to marry the bride. Sometimes the bride's father will carry out this ritual but in this case my brother in-law agree to let the Imam do this job. There are also two official witness whose job are to confirm the that verbal exchanges between the Imam and the bridegroom are clear and confirmed the verbal acceptance of the marriage had taken place. This is serious business because the names of the witnesses will be recorded in the Department of Islamic Affair's registry along with the other important informations.
Only close family members and relatives of both parties will attend this ceremony. This is the day that will turn a single girl into a wife. A daughter into a daughter in-law. And two families becoming one. In Asian cultures, marriage is not only a union between two individuals but a union of two families.
Different states in Malaysia have a slightly different protocol after the nikah ceremony. Since the wedding is in Johor therefore the protocol calls for the parents of the bride to verbally declare to the new son in-law the handing over of the responsibility of nuturing, caring and protecting their daughter over to him. This episode can be quite emotional for many. Especially when the mother of the bride read the script of how she had taken care of her daughter all her life, having taught her and nurtured her, and now she is telling her daughter to be a good wife to her new husband. And of course, more sniffles can be heard.
Finally came the handing over of the dowry money, the presents and gifts to the bride. Normally the man will carefully put a ring on the bride's finger but Hana, my niece wanted a bracelet instead. All this while, the Imam played the role of a director where he instructed what to do next. AND we all agree that this particular Imam is very enthusiastic about his work.
Although they are officially husband and wife, it is the custom that after the nikah the man willl go back with his family (which is actually quite unfair to the guy, after he has spent so much to marry the love of his life) to the hotel or house. But usually after the nikah the guy will be so relieved that he has done such a good job that he is happy to take a break and wait until the bersanding which usually take place the next day.
THE BERSANDING: THE BRIDE'S RECEPTION CEREMONY IN A HALL
The bersanding ceremony was carried out the next day. Since early morning family members, close friends, assistants, food caterer, waiters are busy with their assigned work. And whoever is around without any assignments must also look busy. The rented hall had already been decorated and set up wonderfully.
When the groom and his delegates arrived they were greeted by the kompang and the silat expert. This is to honour the bridegroom who is considered a raja or king for the day.
The pengantin (bride and bridegroom) sat nicely on the pelamin for all to see. This is the highlight of any wedding ceremony. Guests from far and wide, some travelled hundreds of miles to come and see this beautiful view of the pengantin. People will be commenting on the colour, the flowers, the beautiful bride, the handsome groom, the delicious food and so on and so forth. This is the time when relatives get together and catch up. Some had not met for many many years. There will be bursts of laughter and the warmth of kinship and friendship.
THE OFFICIAL WELCOMING OF THE BRIDE TO THE GROOM'S PARENT'S HOUSE (BANTING, SELANGOR)
Two weeks later the bride's family and close relatives grouped together and drove in a convoy of 8-9 cars to the man's side in Banting, Selangor. Even two month old baby Ruzain came to celebrate this day. It was a rather hot afternoon. Although we were quite bothered with the heat but that did not put us off.
The uncle and father of the bride lead the way. The kompang was beating very loudly and it was deafening but we love it because we felt the importance of this occassion.
Viola! Its a pair of pengantin! My new nephew in-law's sister also got married at almost the same time. So they all shared this moment together. Its so good that they did not mind to share the limelight with each other. And it is also good economy.
My brother in-law is seen blessing all the pengantins. Yes, he has such good posture.
My sister also blessed all the pengantins and kissed her daughter.
Feasting time! There were lots of food and they tasted so good, so delicious that we forgot about the heat. Thankfully there was a fan whirling on top of our heads. Suffice to say that my new nephew in-law is of Javanese stock although his family has been living in Malaysia for generations. So that explained the tasty finger licking good food. Javanese food in Malaysia is very delicious although some can be a bit hot and spicy. We definitely enjoyed the feast.
And what is a wedding without the wedding cake? This is not a Malay tradition but borrowed from western culture. Anyway as the procedure goes, the pengantin will together cut the cake and will teasingly feed each other and then the cameras go crazy.
After the bertunang ceremony, the nikah, the bersanding in Johor and the bersanding in Banting.....the parents of the bride will be able to finally relax and breathe normally..........
All the best to the newlyweds.......May you be happy and have a long meaningful relationship......
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